Lonely and Sleepy

I'm lonely, but I'm really not. I am truly sleepy though.

I have been wrestling tirelessly on the idea of loneliness, being alone, solitude, isolation, states of being I've found myself most comfortable with over the past year or so. All of which are vastly different but carry a similar essence. Often, I've found my self-imposed isolation meaningless and filled with disappointment. That being said, I can't help but feel the need to withdraw. The more I want to have "fun" and interact with people, the more drained and unfulfilled I feel after. I feel tired, irritated at times, I feel emotional, yet I feel distant from emotions of all types at the same time. When I am with others, I feel like I don't understand people, but I understand them so well. I hear their lies, their sadness, their hopes and their dreams. Within a smile I feel every part of someone's truth. In every moment I capture your gaze, I know you're broken and ready to give up. A large part of my journey is finding balance. Balance in the depths of my emotions as I examine the depths of others. I use the word "examine" , but I feel I hold others emotional states too closely to my own. I'm learning to protect myself and my energy, which is easiest to do, alone. In my solitude, I am taught how I feel, why I feel, and where my energy drifts off to. In my solitude I am taught the compassion I have for the human soul and my grave desire to heal and teach others as I teach myself.

My self-imposed isolation has taught me so much about myself and who I truly am. Behind the gender, that is woman, behind the name, that is Valerie, I am divine beyond my human mind's imagination.